I brought my girls’ school pictures to the office the other day to put them in the Grandparents’ Sweethearts special section of the newspaper. Those pictures are still sitting here on my desk, and all day yesterday, I kept staring at their pictures thinking, “Gosh, they’ve grown up so fast!” Interacting with them on a day to day basis, I still see them as my babies, but looking at these pictures reminds me that my girls are growing into young ladies.
My fear though: do I have the skills to be a good mom at their increasing ages?
Being a parent is by far the toughest thing I’ve ever done in life. It’s hard to be a parent and not just a friend. It’s hard to discipline and set boundaries when all you want is for your kids to be happy. It’s hard to know which battles to fight and which ones to let go.
When my girls were little, I constantly used the phrase, “This is a decision, not a discussion.” And that was the end of it. Whether they wanted a piece of candy or to go to a sleep-over. Sometimes “no” is necessary.
But now as they are learning how to make decisions for themselves, they want to understand the “why” and the rationale in making good choices.
I want my girls to grow up asking questions and not just taking everything at face value, yet at the same time, I want them to know when to just respect their parents’ words.
I was watching a movie last night and it took me back to the old days. In this movie, there was an 18 year old girl preparing to go off to college and her parents were having a very difficult time with their daughter’s transition into adulthood.
There was a household rule for the girl and her younger brother growing up that they were not allowed to ride motorcycles. The parents just felt it was too dangerous despite how good a driver their friends may be. Yet one day right before the girl went off to college she came home on a friend’s motorcycle, and the mother flipped out.
“I’ve told you not to ride motorcycles! Don’t you know how dangerous they are?!?! Don’t you know how easily you could be killed?!?!”
To which the normally quiet, patient and smart daughter yelled back, “I’m an adult now and I’ll make decisions for myself!”
The mother was speechless. (As I think I would be.) Oh sure, the mother could’ve bitten back something about “as long as you live under this roof….” but she didn’t, wisely I think. That speech would’ve likely just pushed the daughter farther away.
I realized that the process to that moment in time for that mother and daughter began a long way back. The process to good decision making began in childhood, and for my daughters, that process is beginning now.
As I sit and look at my girls pictures on my desk I think, “How do I avoid getting into situations like that when my precious girls are 18?”
How do I teach them to make good decisions? How should I react when they don’t? How do I teach them to be strong and independent but at the same time, smart and safe?
As of this moment, these pictures on my desk are an accurate reflection of my girls. Their smiling faces show that they are happy; they are healthy and they are loved.
I know it won’t always be easy – after all, I remember being a young girl very well. I know there will be friend problems. I know they will likely get their heart broken by a boy somewhere along the way. I’m sure they will fail a test at some point down the road, and sooner or later, they are going to be faced with making decisions about important things when mom and dad aren’t around.
I’ve been studying lately in the book of Isaiah. This morning I was reading the passage in chapter 43, verse 2-3. It says, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through the fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God…”
Sometimes, it’s such a relief to be reminded that I’m not in control and to know that God is.
I pray every day that God will help me to be the right kind of parent, but more importantly, that He will be “Father” to my girls.
Now where is that passage in the Bible about not riding motorcycles?
